Thursday, September 10, 2009


The End of the World Will Have to Wait Until Next Year...

Right about the time I was being poked, biopsied, tapped, brain-scanned and having my wallet lifted for the doctor bills, that resulted in my MS diagnosis; I decided to pen some fiction using the pen-name of Fritz Hadron. I wrote this in the first-person, and as Fritz, I was a free-spirited lab physicist toiling in the tunnels of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) located in Cern, Switzerland, on the border of France. Basically, the LHC had just fired up for it's initial start-up, but had encountered some serious issues with the huge electro-magnets that line the testing tunnels. I don't want to go all into the technical reasonings behind that, but at the time, there were a few "anti-progress zealots," I will call them, that were fearful that the LHC would be a world-destroyer when it was to finally fire-up successfully, causing a micro-blackhole, stranglet or some other runaway physics-experiment-gone-amok that would suck up all matter as we know it. So, being one of twisted humor and wit, I assumed the personality of Fritz Hadron, speaking to the masses in his blog from his underground lab 70 meters below the surface, informing readers that "the end of the world would have to wait until next year" as the repairs were made to the LHC. It was good therapy for me and the title-phrase I used stuck in my mind as a great phrase to describe my defiant attitude, masked in my own brand of wryness, towards MS. Today, September 10, 2009, one year after I was "officially" diagnosed with MS, I will share with you my first Fritz Hadron blog-entries. Here goes:

Entry 1

The LHC is broke...on the fritz. But, when we get it working again, even if a tiny black hole is formed, a big if, we promise it will evaporate immediately, we think...its in our report. Yes, we have never witnessed a black hole evaporating, but if our theory is correct there will be no fear of an incident. But, look on the bright side. If we can create a black hole, we can probably create a wormhole, too, and we will be able to escape the vacuous attraction of the black hole and humanity can colonize to other corners of the universe.
Entry 2

OK, all is not lost. In order to fix the wire that shorted out the electromagnet; a major embarrassment to us; we have to wait two months for the LHC to warm up from the previously super-cooled temperature below 2K. That's cold! To temper our disappointment, we have been officially recognized by Guiness Book of World Records for the world's largest refrigerator. This is an accomplishment that we are extraordinarily proud of and to celebrate we have scheduled a BBQ for all laboratory personnel. We are determined to not let the 10,000 tonnes of liquid nitrogen and 130 tonnes of superfluid helium (1% of the global annual production) to go to waste. Ten kegs of unfiltered Eichbaum Kellerbier have been placed in Sector 6/7. The first keg will be tapped at 1100 hours and partying will ensue. The theme for the BBQ is anything Monty Python, and that means men are allowed to dress in drag, so the complaints that we have received in the past about "too many guys, not enough women" should not come into play.Should be a good time for all! I'll be dressed as the Spam Waitress. See you in the tunnels!!!

1 comment: