Saturday, September 26, 2009

"SUFFER" from MS?

Is my MS so bad that I suffer from it? It has held me back at times. It has weighed on my psyche. Fatigue, heat, loss of balance, wonky eyes, tingling, moments in the restroom...those are all symptoms that I have. I prefer to think that I am learning to almost block them out. Sure, I stop every now and then and take inventory to see how I'm doing. But, for the last year, the symptoms have not worsened, and I have proven that I am still able to function in my business world. If people don't already know, and I don't tell them, they would not know that I have MS.

I know we all deal with our MS differently. I know our MS is different from individual to individual. Our support group's are all different. I live with my dog and no other family members. My nearest family is over 900 miles away. How do I do it, I ask myself sometimes. I am not debilitated, but knowing I have a disease that can be debilitating can have an emotional effect; which again, we all deal with in our own personal and individual way.

Lately, I have spent more time trying to do the things I want to do, whether I feel fatigued or not. I do them and I concentrate on overcoming the physical and emotional fatigue that I feel; mind over MS, I call it! I give myself a personal pat on the back for doing it and I feel joy and accomplishment. It takes pushing. Having the idea to do something is easy. Planning to do it, still easy. The last step; actually going through the front door out into the world to do whatever you have planned, that is the biggest hurdle for me. Over the last year, there have been many events I have planned for, only to stop at my front door when the time came. It was easy for me to blame it on the physical fatigue of MS, but really, it was the failure of my mind to win that battle.

I guess, I am writing this because I have been out reading other people's blogs and I read where someone said, "I suffer from MS." And, part of me wanted to disagree with that statement. But, I don't know that person. I don't know how bad it is for him. I don't know what kind of support he has. And, THAT is why I was out reading his blog. I need to go back and read more, and I will. Right now though, I am here writing and I want to finish. I started out writing this blog entry to say that we shouldn't be "suffering" from MS! The more I thought about it, the more I wrote, the more I knew that YES!, I "suffer" from MS. My life suffers. I let MS get the best of me. It is hard to not let it. I wish all my blog entries could be about how I beat my MS! But, that isn't true. There are many times it gets the best of me. I will have my victories, though. And, I guarantee I will be here sharing them when I get one! MIND OVER MS! I'm not ready to give up...

Well, this was a Saturday morning rambler...


Amanda said...

Thank you for such a refreshing take on having MS. I am newly diagnosed, less than a year, and sometimes get discuraged with a new symptom a week. However you are correct, we let our MS over take our bodies and our minds. There have been several occasions where I have given up due to the fear when I shouldn't have.

It is what it is but truly it s what you make t.

Taxingwoman said...

Hi! Paul
Most days I think yeah I've got the MS thing figured out. Then there are the days when I'm having an anxiety attack, I'm dog tired, my leg hurts, and my limbs are burning and itchy.
When it happens on a day that I need to have my head together,it really really sucks ! So I have to say that I do suffer from MS.

Peace Be With You said...


We haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you're okay.


Erika said...

Hi Paul

I love your blog : - )

Check mine out at


Erika said...

Thanks for this post ~ a good reminder, everyday. I once had a doctor ask me about my "illness" and it made me flinch. I don't feel ill, to me that's having the flu. I can't embrace being diseased, suffering, being ill ~ it just doesn't feel like who I am.
Yes, I have MS. Yes I've had it for 25 years. But I'm still just me.

Have Myelin? said...

Well- I don't want to be the rain on the parade BUT let me speak, HA! =)

MS is not a state of mind. I'd hate to make those of us feel weak if we can't do what we have planned for ourselves. We do have to cut ourselves some slack.

Have Myelin? said...

Well. Let me weigh in on this issue.

I have MS and I am deaf too. Neither are related to each other. I guess I won the disability lottery! :->

Suffer. Do I suffer? At times, yes. It is a heavy word. I think when it comes to MS we find that there is such a wide variety of symptoms and for some people there is indeed true suffering... for others perhaps it is not as severe.

The same can be said about deafness. Some people are severely impacted and others not so much. It is not a matter of attitude either.

Peace Be With You said...

Paul, we haven't heard from you in a while and of course you're under no obligation to stay in touch with us. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and that I hope things are going as well as they can be.